First Grand Constitution And Bylaws [Remastered] - Secret Chiefs 3 > Reviews > Apathy Park

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Advantages:	From the sublime
Disadvantages:	To the ridiculous

Recommend to potential buyers:

yes

Full review

This special edition album was released in 2000 as a result of the Chief’s previous label going bust. This ended up being a good thing as the first two albums (First Grand Constitution… and Second) got re-released with a bonus track, which in this case, gives the album a needed lift.

I’ve already banged on about the Secret Chiefs 3 and their connections to Mr Bungle and the world at large, so if you’d like to read that then go look up Second Grand Constitutions. The only new thing I have is that apparently the bands name produces mirth in Wickers, so no doubt all you wizards out there are currently filling your pants with mirth and other solids.

Now before I start I need to make one thing clear, the first four tracks, to coin a new phrase, segue like the band. So read quick!

One last thing, this is one of the strangest albums I own… You have been warned.

* Ana’l Haqq *

A building organ chord that has a little pause, then a bigger moment with a little bit of bass wondering.

* Adept Chamber of the Magian Tavern – Altar to the Master Thief *

All manner of strange percussion builds up, some form of ethnic instrument widdles, a guitar crashes, something falls off a shelf, cartoon gun shots are heard and then it flies off with drums pounding away, more widdling and the odd crash of distorted guitar. Despite that description it all moves along in a pleasantly tuneful way, even if it is a touch manic.

* Inn of 3 Doors *

“ARGH!” More gun shots and then “Adept Chamber of the Magian Tavern – Altar to the Master Thief” is reprised but with a funkier bass something or other line.

* Breeze of Dawn, Death’s Angel *

Distorted guitars, more distorted guitars, rapid pulses of drumming and “ooh that’s hot” style screaming. A brief moment of bass, some guitars being abused and then. Jazz! A rapid bassline walks its way over some gentle pad sounds. This gives way to some sorry sounding guitars some more “ooh that’s hot” style stuff with the pulsing drums, other generic bits of noise and a gradually growing shout that, if you want it to be, sounds like “shut up”.

Right you can breath now, there’s a brief gap here. Oh and yeah, if the first four tracks on this album are treated as one (I think the band had more good titles than songs) it is sheer genius.

* Assassin’s Blade *

Driven along by a clockwork feeling beat, a couple of pianos wonder in with one and only one, sounding slightly jazzy. It’s joined by some clicking thing and a synth. In fact the pianos start feeling a little underdeveloped and so start rolling around to ensure you still notice them. Then some bells come in and after a while start phasing, a clean, twangy electric guitar starts playing a little lick without you really noticing. Then it all has a brief rest while some synths “oooh”, builds up again rapidly, stops again, builds again with the help of a harpsichord and then stops again. Then it comes back in with a smooth bit of jazz guitar that wouldn’t have been out of place in Bullitt. The guitar reworks the opening pianos, which have also returned to help out. Then it’s back to the drama of the rolling pianos with their bell like friends. An outstanding track.

Breath while the next track fades in.

* Bare-faced Bazi *

Vaguely bell like synths gently waft, then out of nowhere a guitar that’s somewhere between punk and jazz comes in, Trey Spruance mumbles something about going for a drive, someone shouts “woo” and a whacked out wah-wah guitar riff wonders through. This basically repeats but getting more and more manic with each iteration. It’s like acid rock gone very wrong. Then all of a sudden it stops, the bellish sounds come back, a drum beat builds and there’s some random squeaking things, a drum roll and someone shouts “God dammit”.

Breath.

* Crossroads through Crosshairs *

A gentle enough Harpsichord riff starts us off, while an organ groans up in the background, then it’s just a few bits of drumming and some samples for a bit before we’re thrown off into some bizarre percussion led bit which then flows into a huge synthesiser bit with only a touch of cartoon noise for a break! Then, bizarrely, it turns into the sort of organ piece you might hear at a Blackpool dance hall for the over 30s. A blast of (all things), honky tonk piano, a burst of guitars and it’s over.

Breath.

* borderland *

I think this is supposed to be an interlude, it just sounds like the band dropping things on a sampler.

* borderland *

I think this is supposed to be an interlude, it just sounds like the band dropping things on a sampler. Yes, there are two – but this one has a tiny bit of jazz in it. I suppose it makes a nice contrast for the start of the next song.

Breath.

* Killing of Kings *

Aha! The fire song! This song is beginning to gain cult status amongst my friends after one of them had an amusing incident involving some cider (Not a lot mind), a lighter and a partially innocent goth. But the less said about that the better. Containing the closest thing (Well, maybe joint closest) to sensible lyrics and singing, the song starts off with a gentle guitar riff, just a few nice chords. Then the drums come in, the guitars distort a bit, the singing gets angrier – this is just a straightforward rock song right, oh – it’s building up a bit more, could be a good one. And then it just stops and the band start shouting and indeed, making, FIRE. All of which fun ends up in an explosion, as you might expect. Then it’s back to the guitar chords/drums/lyrics. Only this time the ‘hook’ lyrics “Rock and roll is a thing that needs to die” has the die distorted to levels that would make black metallers blush. The lyrics seem to deal with the pointlessness/fakeness of the music industry, including my personal favourite, the whispered line “punk rock is the easiest place to hide”. Apart from the rather strange and comic FIRE moment (And the noise/sample filled ending which I’m conveniently ignoring) this is another great song.

* Celestial Ship of the Corsairs *

Some synths have an argument in the distance and in slow motion. It’s vaguely film scorish and so tends to provide atmosphere and not much else.

Right, now we’re back to the segueing like the band once more – only this time it’s so seamless that even the track number doesn’t change, I shall do my best to split it up though.

* Emir of the Bees – Migration *

Take yourself to Arabia. Take TJ Hooker as well. Take your guitar. Sit in a bar (No alcohol obviously) with your guitar and some of the local musicians and have a jam while you listen to a police car dreamily moving off into the sunset.

* Emir of the Bees – Countersurveillance *

Dark Arabic funk would be the best way to describe this. Effected guitars, crunchy drums and an insistent bass line with the odd touches of flutes, it’s all over to quickly though.

* Emir of the Bees – The Mazdaean Protocols *

Surf rock rears its head! Complete with cartoon bonging noises. Not much of it though.

* Emir of the Bees – Our Man Abu’l-Khattab *

ARGH Metal guitars crunching round all over the place – add in mainly noisy, samples and drumming, there’s a touch of surf rock thrown in as well.

* Emir of the Bees – Return *

Nice yet also slightly unsettling organ riffs, a burst of noise, a small guitar part and then a darkly Arabic tinged guitar riff - I have to be honest at this point, I’ve lost track of which bit is where in this sprawl!

Right, that’s over with – taken as a whole Empire of Bees is OK, however, Return and especially Countersurveillance are good.

* pointed and weighty arguments *

Noise and Trey talking backwards very quickly. Only short, thankfully.

* Zulkifar *

Sounding like Indian folk music but with more aggressive drums, this could be used as the theme to a Bollywood murder mystery. As it happens, there are three versions of this song, one on each SC3 album. My personal favourite is Zukifar II, which can be found on Second Grand Constitution and Bylaws. Not taking anything away from this version though, it is good, if rather short.

* The Qa’im Deliberates *

It’s just noise, skip it – I am.

* Drunk at the Gates *

Again, mainly noise but with a few bursts from instruments this time. Skip again.

Breath.

* RESURRECTION DAY SOUNDTRACK, Hot Pursuit in Eagles’ Nest *

This is an absolute gem of a song though, energetic and distorted, yet also distant. Danny Heifetz’s drums pound your head while you wait for the evil synths and throbbing bass to join the song. And so it continues, the theme is actually kept throughout the entire song! It does vary slightly though, guitar riff that could be called atmospheric in the same way as ozone is struts its stuff for a while before making way for a smooth jazzy sax riff. At this point in the song you wouldn’t be to surprised to see a small dwarf dancing in front of some red curtains. Well, I wouldn’t be anyway. A good song, although after the previous two I think the band owed us one.

* from Night of the Morning Draught of Wine *

This is the sort of thing you think you want to wake up to, but don’t really. It starts off all nice and pleasant with early morning bird song. Then a bassy synth starts throbbing away and just when it’s all getting very menacing it just gets plain annoying as the chiefs fill the song out with a bunch of annoying samples.

* Crosswinds *

Just a few seconds of and organ playing.

* borderland *

I think this is supposed to be an interlude, it just sounds like the band dropping things on a sampler. Yes this is the third.

* White As They Come *

Happily the album ends on a high note, and a note that starts off sounding not unlike Depeche Mode. Darkly whispered vocals, broody synths and what may as well be a drum machine regardless of whether it is or not. The song is occasionally lifted by sweeping guitars and female vocals, which move around in a most inoffensive fashion, as this album goes, this track is easy listening. White As They Come is a great track and is epic in the strangest of ways.

So there you go, an album inspired by the works of one Peter Lamborn Wilson, whoever he maybe – maybe he’s a Wicker. Anyway, First Grand Constitution is easily the weakest of the Chiefs works, and apart from the first four tracks and maybe Countersurveillance all the other standouts could have slotted in happily on the other two albums. However, if you like the Secret Chiefs 3 or Disco Volante by Mr Bungle or maybe even the first Fantomas album it would be worth getting hold of this and just accepting that you will have to skip quite a bit of it.