Scotchhausen - DJ Scotch Egg

Advantages: Fruity, malty and tasty
Disadvantages: hard to find

...I know I haven't been writing a lot of beer reviews lately and some of you may be worrying about the state of my liver and whether I'm on the wagon. Fear not, that's not very likely to happen - I've just been having a bit of a rest. Luckily I've got reams of old scribblings and this seems as good a time as any to clear the backlog of beer tasting notes. One such entry concerns a Scottish beer, Douglas Scotch Ale. Ah, unusual. A Scotsman writing about a Scottish beer? Big wowee. Havers! I say. This beer is indeed brewed in Edinburgh, but is exclusively exported. Oh, it can be bought in Edinburgh, but not until it's been shipped to Belgium or France, and then imported back into Scotland. So it's either hunt it down in some obscure back street shop and pay over the odds, or get yourself across the water to the continent... Read review

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Advantages: good value
Disadvantages: bad pastry

...I actually wanted to write a review on a scotch egg, but there isn't a category for it. So instead I'm going to write a review of a cornish pasty. Those of you wanting to know my opinion of scotch eggs will have to contact me personally. Sorry about that - I don't make the rules. So - a Ginster's Cornish Pasty. Usually purchased at a petrol station, these slabs of nutrition can be eaten hot or, if you like, cold. Many petrol stations offer a microwave facility in order to heat up your pasty, but I never dare ask to use it. If you're made of sterner stuff, you might like to give this a go, and enjoy a piping hot meat product, or perhaps take it home and microwave it there, if you have a microwave. I generally buy Ginster's products when I'm drunk, and so ravenous that I don't have the time to do this, preferring instead to cram... Read review

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Advantages: It's malt whisky
Disadvantages: Expensive

...Fortune! if thou'll but gie me still Hale breeks, a scone, an' whisky gill, An' rowth o' rhyme to rave at will, Tak a' the rest, An' deal't about as thy blind skill Directs thee best. Or, in the di'el's tongue: Fortune! if you will but give me still Whole trousers, a scone, and whisky gill, And store of rhyme to rave at will, Take all the rest, And deal it about as your blind skill Directs you best. The extract above is the last verse of SCOTCH DRINK, a poem written by Burns to protest at the changes in the revenue collected. Ironic really, as he was soon to become an exciseman. Aye, it's that time of year again, 25th of January - Burn's Night. One of the rare occasions where Scots like to partake of a wee refreshment. And what better refreshment to imbibe than that most Scottish of beverages... Read review

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