Silver Spoons And Broken Bones - Stone Gods

You could never be entirely sure if The Darkness were a band you were supposed to take too seriously. The big stadium rock songs with the huge guitar solos, Justin Hawkins' falsetto and spandex meant you could never be sure if you were meant to laugh at them or if, a la Spinal Tap, they were laughing at themselves. Even the band's eventual demise' following Justin's addiction, rehab and quitting the band, was such a cliché it didn't help answer the ...
...intention to continue making music and I expected that we'd soon be getting more of the same, as it was essentially the same band as before. The debut "Burn the Witch" EP was a breath of fresh air, at least by the standards of The Darkness, featuring some very 1980s sounding rock tunes and the album, when it followed, proved to be more of the same. They've always had a tough act to follow, as no matter what you thought of The Darkness musically, ... more

You could never be entirely sure if The Darkness were a band you were supposed to take too seriously. The big stadium rock songs with the huge guitar solos, Justin Hawkins' falsetto and spandex meant you could never be sure if you were meant to laugh at them or if, a la Spinal Tap, they were laughing at themselves. Even the band's eventual demise' following Justin's addiction, rehab and quitting the band, was such a cliché it didn't help answer the question.

The remaining members immediately announced their intention to continue making music and I expected that we'd soon be getting more of the same, as it was essentially the same band as before. The debut "Burn the Witch" EP was a breath of fresh air, at least by the standards of The Darkness, featuring some very 1980s sounding rock tunes and the album, when it followed, proved to be more of the same. They've always had a tough act to follow, as no matter what you thought of The Darkness musically, they certainly had some impressive sales figures, especially for their early singles and album.

The album opens with the storming "Burn the Witch", which was the title track from their debut EP. If the sound and look of The Darkness harked back to the glam rock era of the 1970s, this is 1980s stadium rock all the way. There's a catchy guitar riff that proves there's a Hawkins on guitar, but otherwise there's a very AC/DC feel to the whole track, even down to the slight rasp on the vocals. It's a stomping rock-poop track with a catchy guitar line and a chorus designed to get a crowd going, just like the best of 1980s stadium rock.

The same genre is an influence on "Don't Drink the Water", which takes a similar subject - a bunch of English blokes on a package holiday - as Thunder's "An Englishman on Holiday", although not quite so well. It's another storming 1980s style rock-pop track, although this time it has more of a Wildhearts feel to it, although there's a surprising calypso break part way through that never fails to make me smile. Musically it's quite a fun song, although the lyrics are just a touch on the naff side, which takes the edge off it and makes this a song not to listen to too closely.

There's a heavier rock sound to the third track, "Defend or Die". This is a straight out rock song, lacking the pop-rock influences that have given the album a 1980s rock feel thus far. The drumming in particular has an iron Maiden feel to it and some of the early parts seem to have their roots in a more goth influence. Essentially, this is another stadium rock track, with the guitar to the forefront, but it's not as catchy as some of the others so far and has that dark influence that sets is apart slightly.

The fourth track is my favourite, the storming pop-rock sound of "You Brought a Knife to a Gunfight", which is supposedly based on a true story. It's a slightly softer track than some of the others, with a Thunder or Motley Crue style sing along chorus and a great guitar riff. This is stadium pop-rock at its best and whenever I hear this track, I can't help but think that if Stone Gods had been around twenty years ago, they would have been huge.

There's quite a change of pace for the fifth track, the folk-rock sounding "Magdalen Street". It's not quite slow enough to be a ballad as such, but it's a much gentler track with a folk influence that has a slight feel of Thin Lizzy, or Jon Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory" period. It's not a track that really does or says anything impressive, although an acoustic version of this song was the first thing I ever heard from Stone Gods. As a change of pace, it certainly works very well, though and it's an enjoyable track. It doesn't really go anywhere, but it fails to get there decently enough.

The guitar riff that opens "Where You Comin' From" immediately lets you know that we're back to more normal territory. This is another catchy stadium pop-rock tune that would again have done very well back in the mid to late 1980s. Like "You Brought a Knife..." it's got a slightly lighter influence that would have made it a fairly decent Thunder song back when they were at their height. As a huge fan of Thunder, I'm also a pretty big fan of this song, although it lacks some of the humour that marked that band and the vocals here are nowhere near as good as Danny Bowes'.

At the mid point of the album, there's a proper attempt at a ballad. "Lazy Bones" is an acoustic pop-rock ballad and takes everything that a 1980s stadium rock band would want from their ballads. It's got a gentle intro which builds into a more rounded sound later on. There's a gentle guitar solo, a chorus you can hum along to and it's perfect for those days when you could hold your lighters in the air. Like much of the album, it doesn't stick out hugely, but it's a decent enough song and not a bad attempt at a stadium rock ballad.

The slow build intro until the guitar crashes in suggests that "I'm With the Band" is going to be another classic pop-rock track. Indeed, it's about one night stands whilst on the road, which combined with the sound makes it the perfect AC/DC or Motley Crue sounding track. Unfortunately, it's another track on the album which is badly let down by the lyrical content, which was always the worst part of 1980s rock music. Early in the first verse, there's a couplet that runs "I've no idea where the hell I am / But there's a young girl cupping my nut", which is a line that never fails to make me cringe. Apart from that, it's a decent fun song, but that one line takes a lot of the enjoyment out of it for me.

There's an even greater pop influence to the guitar riff to "Start of Something", which reminds me a lot of something like Depeche Mode. It's a very soft rock track, not quite verging into AOR territory, but with the kind of sound that Def Leppard might have used on their "Hysteria" album. It's got the decent guitar riff and a sing-along style stadium rock chorus that fits into that sound and a husky vocals do evoke Joe Eliott's voice a little as well and even the guitar solo could be performed by Phil Collen. As a big Def Leppard fan, this is certainly a track I like.

There's a simple but driving guitar riff behind "Making It Hard" that always makes me think of Status Quo. The song does get a bit more expansive than that later on, suggesting there are more than 3 or 4 chords used here, but this is a driving pop-rock anthem with a bright chorus that wouldn't sound too out of place on a Quo album.

If there is anything that summed up 1980s stadium rock more than songs about having sex or getting wasted, I'm not sure what it is. As if they hadn't done already, Stone Gods show themselves to be firmly in this era with "Wasting Time". It's another stomping stadium pop-rock track that could be influence by Motley Crue or Tyketto and the sing along chorus is perfect for live shows.

There's another darker turn for "Knight of the Living Dead", not quite as rough as "Defend Or Die", but certainly slightly different to the rest of the album. It reminds me of some later Skid Row tracks in their "Slave to the Grind" period, although it's not quite as catchy as their work. It does have a shout along chorus again, though, which will go down well at live shows, especially as it has a swear word in the middle. It may not be the greatest song, but Stone Gods certainly show that they know their audience.

Even the title to "Oh Where 'O My Beero" makes me think of Thin Lizzy's "Whiskey in the Jar" and the sound of the song does nothing to dispel that feeling. It's an ode to drinking and condemns the Government for not doing more to extend the drinking hours. It's a vital point and needs to be said, but once again Stone Gods lyrical content really lets them down, as this message could have been put across so much better. The album finishes with what effectively sums up Stone Gods; a retro sound, performed well, but let down badly by some of the lyrics.

Essentially what you get here is 13 tracks and 50 minutes of quality stadium pop-rock that is horribly behind its time. If the Stone Gods had released this album twenty years before they did, it would most likely have been a huge hit and they'd have been playing at Wembley Stadium. Unfortunately, all they've done is rehashed an old sound that no-one really listens to any more and, whilst they do it very well indeed, it's certainly not going to bring them huge success, not even to match The Darkness, much less to match the bands that they've drawn their influences from.

If you're musical tastes are twenty years behind the times like mine are, you'll almost certainly enjoy this album. It's not great, but it contains much that was good about 1980s stadium rock and that's why I enjoy it. If your tastes tend towards modern bands like Airbourne and Daughtry, you may find much to like here as well, although possibly not as much as I did. If you've come to music sice about 1995, you'll likely to hate this album and should stay well clear. For those, like me, who have retro tastes, copies are available from Amazon and Play for just under £7 and copies have been seen even cheaper on eBay. It's not an album worth listening to closely as some of the lyrics are a bit naff, but it's the kind of thing that would go down great in a rock club or at a party with the kind of long-haired rock-loving friends that I have and it's worth a punt for that reason if no other. 

...less