South Park (Mr. Hankey Poo's Christmas Classics/Parental Advisory) [PA] - Various Artists

...you’ve heard the previous two South Park albums, especially the soundtrack for the movie, then you will then know that Matt Stone and Trey Parker can be a dab hand at coming up with twisted songs as well as animated shows. The third, and less well-known album came out with minimal fuss in the Christmas of 1999.

Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics is anything but the Christmas albums we are used to and this is no surprise considering who ...
...the album has the trademark South Park shocks and humour that the show has got only this time in a truly festive way.

It is worth pointing out that this is the prolonged soundtrack to the episode Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics in the third season of South Park. It has a few more extra songs because of the 20-minute length of the show.

1. Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo | Cowboy Timmy (2.16)

‘Some times he’s ... more

If you’ve heard the previous two South Park albums, especially the soundtrack for the movie, then you will then know that Matt Stone and Trey Parker can be a dab hand at coming up with twisted songs as well as animated shows. The third, and less well-known album came out with minimal fuss in the Christmas of 1999.

Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics is anything but the Christmas albums we are used to and this is no surprise considering who it’s by. With a mixture of old and new Christmas songs the album has the trademark South Park shocks and humour that the show has got only this time in a truly festive way.

It is worth pointing out that this is the prolonged soundtrack to the episode Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics in the third season of South Park. It has a few more extra songs because of the 20-minute length of the show.

1. Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo | Cowboy Timmy (2.16)

‘Some times he’s nutty, sometimes he’s corny he can be brown or greenish brown’

The song that is, literally, about a piece of shit. This is an early 1950’s recording performed by Cowboy Timmy. It’s a lengthened version of the one heard in Season 1 and once again the lyrics manage to crack a smile, as well as the somewhat disturbing sound effects. It managed to debut at number 7 in the single charts then climb right up to number 4 in the second week.

2. Merry F**king Christmas | Mr Garisson (2.04)

‘On Christmas day I travel round the world and say…’

A take on how countries around the world celebrate Christmas…or not as the case may be. The content may be offensive but the context of Mr. Garisson singing it removes any feeling of it being truly mocking of other countries. Like Mr. Hankey it’s an original Christmas song from South Park. It’s very catchy, it doesn’t take much to remember the words, and it is rather fast paced, due to the short length of the song it does match Garisson’s mood though.

3. O Holy Night | Eric Cartman (1:57)

‘It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie’

A traditional Christmas song with a little South Park twist. Sung by the most selfish kid in South Park it includes some selfish undertones ‘Jesus was born and so I get presents, thank you Jesus for being born’, he also isn’t the best chap to remember all the lyrics. Still keeping the same tune as O Holy Night it has the significant authentic Christmas feel to it, even if it isn’t innocent as it was.

4. Dead, Dead, Dead | Juan Schwartz & South Park Choir (2.13)

‘And so on Christmas morning let good tidings fill your head what a festive season, someday you’ll be dead’

A quite sombre Christmas song that’ll appeal to people who like black comedy and have a cynical outlook. At surface value it’s an out of place and depressing song to include on the album yet it is so absurd that it fits into the South Park style perfectly. Yet it can also have a little hidden moral in it basically saying that we should be thankful for out family and our lives because ‘someday we’ll be dead’. Depending on how you look at it, whether to take it without the connotative meaning or the denotative will alter the affect the song will have on you. However it’s still a nice song to listen to, nice and slow and nicely sung with good backing vocals from the South Park kids.

5. Carol of the Bells | Mr Mackey (0.52)

‘All seem to say ding, dong mmmkay’

After the movies ‘Its Easy Mmmkay’ the School Counsellor gets another pop at the song business with his very own version of this traditional Christmas song. Not much to say other than it uses the word ‘Mmmkay’ quite a bit, but then, what did you come to expect?

6. The Lonely Jew on Christmas | Kyle Broflofski With Special Celebrity Guest (2.45)

‘You don’t have to go to Grandma’s house with your alcoholic family’

Featured in the first South Park Christmas special from Season 1 this is an updated version of the Lonely Jew song made famous by Kyle. This is a wry look at the way Jews don’t celebrate Christmas and Kyle’s hardship at being left out and not understanding (‘What the f**k is up with lighting all these f**king candles tell me please?’). Yet not to have him feeling too low the special celeb guest points out that Christmas really isn’t worth the hassle in a hilarious few lines and from which the beat of the song picks up. Ends on a touching note and little Kyle are happy again. How sweet.

7. I Saw Three Ships | Shelley Marsh (1.02)

‘Shelley got up and killed that turd on Christmas day in the morning’

Stan’s sister plays the piano and sings a solo of this traditional Christmas song. However with her ‘headgear’ and Stan and Kyle in the background distracting her its not going to go too smoothly. A nice break up from the heavy chorus songs of before it settles the album down quite well.

8. It Happened In Sun Valley | Stan & Wendy (2.21)

‘It happened in Sun Valley not so very long ago’

South Parks own babes in the woods have their very own Christmas duet. Signalling the (nearly) mid point of the album this song really packs a punch musically with Christmas bells, strings, drums and trumpets making this song sound like a big musical number. Stan and Wendy also put a lot of enthusiasm into singing the song and while they aren’t the best singers in the world (like most people on this album) their voices don’t grate that much.

9. O Tannenbaum | Adolf Hitler (1:10)

Not many albums can boast that they have Adolf Hitler himself singing a song, and this one cant either really, but at least its an imitation. Singing from the fiery pits of hell (where else would he be?) Adolf cries his way through his solo piece to prelude the following song.

10. Christmas Time In Hell | Satan (2.15)

‘There goes Jeffery Dahmer with a festive Christmas ham, after he has sex with it he’ll eat up all he can’

When Satan hears Hitler’s sobbing’s its not long before The Prince of Darkness himself ‘strings up the lights and lights up the tree’ for Christmas. Next to Merry F**king Chrismtas this is the other main controversial one on the album. It has plenty of allusions to dead people living it up in hell including Michael Landon, John. F. Kennedy and also Princess Diana and since this was released in 1999 it was a bit shocking to hear her name mentioned. All in all this is one of my very firm favourites on the album, the lyrics are darkly funny and its catchy as hell.

11. What The Hell Child Is This? | Chef (4.28)

‘It’s white so it cannot be mine’

Issac Hayes got the New Year number one with Chocolate Salty Balls after beating the Spice Girls in the second week. This time his song is more low key but just as good. Hayes once again sings about his womanising accompanied by a deep beat and nice backing vocals.

12. Santa Claus Is On His Way | Mr. Hankey (0:28)

‘I’ll say howdy ho!’

Probably the weakest song on the album and one of the most audibly grating. For however sweet Mr Hankey is the piece of poo just cant really sing. Lifted from the Season 1 Chrismtas Special this short burst does little to add to the album other than to fill in a few seconds or so.

13. Swiss Colony Beef Log | Eric Cartman (2.16)

‘Christmas isn’t Christmas without a Swiss colony beef log’

Another song by Eric Cartman singing about what he knows best – food. Surprisingly sedate up to the end and unsurprisingly selfish and funny this is a great little song from Trey Parker. While Eric cant hold a note his voice is unbeatable for entertainment value. As said before the song is fairly quiet till the end when the drums and bass come into play to end on a high note.

14. Hark The Herald Angles Sing | Various (0.40)

‘Why do Jews sing the Dreidal song?’

Although it says this is sung by the South Park choir it is lifted from Season 3’s Christmas Special ‘Merry Christmas Charlie Manson’ and is sung by the boys (not Kenny, he’s dead by then) and the entire Cartman family. All out of key obviously, but worth a listen.

15. Dreidal, Dreidal, Dreidal | Kyle, Cartman, Stan, Sheila and Gerald Broflofski (3.20)

‘Courtney Cox I love you you’re so hot on that show’

A great number from a good range of cast. Strating with just Kyle it builds up to include all of them singing (mostly) all things Driedal-like. A good beat with the piano accompanies most of the song with the a few wind instruments and drums coming in a the end to build up to a satisfying climax.

16. The Most Offensive Song Ever | Mr. Hankey and Kenny (3.00)

‘And even the little drummer boy’

And it is not lying. This really is the most offensive song ever, well most offensive Christmas song ever anyway. Using Kenny as a well placed ‘bleeper’ you never get to know what he is actually saying apart from a few muffled sounds. However listen to it enough (especially the last chorus he sings) and it may just come clear what he’s saying beneath his hood and its hilariously funny and gives the song a whole new slant that you never would have thought of. In between Mr. Hankey also sings some lines and these wont mean the same thing until you know exactly what Kenny is saying. Luckily Mr. Hankeys voice this time is well controlled to make this song enjoyable. A simple piano is the only accompaniment for the song.

17. We Three Kings | Mr. Ose (0.51)

I don’t know who Mr. Ose is only that he’s Scottish and that the song is just okay. Nothing special and not particularly that funny.

18. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas | Mr. Hankey & Boys (2.31)

‘Through the years we all will be together if the fates allow’

A perfect note to end the album as Mr. Hankey is flushed away. The music and lyrics to this song are not changed from the original.

Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics is certainly original and for the most part a fun and enjoyable listen. It wont be everyone’s cup and tea and it will offend a few people as well but if you like South Park then this album is a real must. Its just as good as the movie soundtrack, if not better, and its less alternative than the Chef Aid album.

There are a few gripes. Firstly, as mentioned above, not all songs are all that good but that is more than made up by the majority being very well produced indeed. Also it doesn’t last that long with a count of 36.41 this will seem to be over far too soon but then again the choices made as to what songs to include seem to be the right ones, more would be over doing it.

This will come out and be played every Christmas and stay on top of my play list for most of December. Try and track it down, keep an open mind and celebrate Christmas by listening to a piece of shit.

MR. HANKEYS CHRISTMAS CLASSICS IS

Wickedly funny
Festive – in a twisted sort of way
Short lived

MR. HANKEYS CHRISTMAS CLASSICS IS NOT

A traditional Christmas album
Full of recognizable Christmas hits
An album to brush past at
 

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