Sweat [PA] - Nelly

...Nelly has explained that while Sweat is composed of his trademark "club bangers", Suit is more emotional and slower. So he wants us to pay near 30 dollars for 24 songs on two different CDs? Please... this isn't Pokemon Red and Blue here...

Sweat is the first of the two I decided to cover, primarily because I would like to do it in order. Of course, I'm an unbiased hip-hop head, but it's easy to figure out what to expect ...
.../>

Sweat begins with "Heart of A Champion", which is a pretty cool title if I do say so myself. Of course, titles don't make a song. Nelly samples the NBC NBA theme song, once again relying on a poor gimmick in order to craft subject matter which one would think is creative, but ends up being horrible (see "Air Force Ones"). The beat is tight, probably because he did nothing with it except sample and add a drum ... more

I'm sure he thought it was a brilliant idea. An easy way to make money and rip-off his so-called "beloved fans" whom he claims to care about (my ass). The idea to release two separate albums as part of one whole composition is pretty innovative in my opinion, and perhaps if they were both half priced or came with some kind of bonus, then yeah, it's pretty nice. Nope. I'm sure when Nelly figured out that due to his immense popularity he'd be able to release two albums on the same day and have his hardcore fans buy them, a sickening smile overtook his face. The concept of SweatSuit is kind of funny. The underlining factor of "you must buy both to get the full album" is a bit laughable, even for a Nelly fan. Of course, I'm sure he'll sell like hotcakes, like he always does, so why fight it? Basically, each CD has an average of 12 songs, which is even more funny considering most of his albums are in the 18 track range, thus proving my theory about his thirst for money. Is there difference between the two? Well besides the fact that it's obviously got different songs, Nelly has explained that while Sweat is composed of his trademark "club bangers", Suit is more emotional and slower. So he wants us to pay near 30 dollars for 24 songs on two different CDs? Please... this isn't Pokemon Red and Blue here...

Sweat is the first of the two I decided to cover, primarily because I would like to do it in order. Of course, I'm an unbiased hip-hop head, but it's easy to figure out what to expect from this. Nelly has done nothing but deliver the same old tired subject matter and imitation emceeing since his debut with 2000's Country Grammar. He's shown that he has the ability to make good songs on one or two occassions when he focuses on artistic merit and not sales, but it's obvious this album is to make his greedy ass even richer than he already is. Nelly has already given us enough so-called "club bangers", so why more if not to sell?? Perhaps if you look past his selfish intentions you'll find an album that's pretty decent... or maybe not.

Track List & Ratings

1. Heart of a Champion f/ Lincoln University Vocal Ensemble (2 Stars)
2. Na-Nana-Na f/ Jazze Pha (1 Star)
3. Flap Your Wings (1 Star)
4. American Dream f/ St. Lunatics (1 Star)
5. River Don't Runnn f/ Murphy Lee & Stephen Marley (1 Star)
6. Tilt ya Head Back f/ Christina Aguilera (4 Stars)
7. Grand Hang Out f/ Fat Joe, Young Tru, & Remy Martin (1 Star)
8. Getcha Getcha f/ St. Lunatics (1 Star)
9. Another One (1 Star)
10. Spida Man (1 Star)
11. Playa f/ Mobb Deep & Missy Elliot (2 Stars)
12. Down in the Water f/ Ali & Gube Thug (1 1/2 Stars)
13. Boy f/ Big Gipp & Lil Flip (1 Star)

Sweat begins with "Heart of A Champion", which is a pretty cool title if I do say so myself. Of course, titles don't make a song. Nelly samples the NBC NBA theme song, once again relying on a poor gimmick in order to craft subject matter which one would think is creative, but ends up being horrible (see "Air Force Ones"). The beat is tight, probably because he did nothing with it except sample and add a drum loop, and the Lincoln University Vocal Choir is awesome on it. As usual, Nelly is nothing more than average lyrically, and drops a mixture of terrible punchlines, with surprisingly above average rhymes at times. Nelly is no emcee, and perhaps should stick to crooning his "R&B/Hip-Hop" instead of rapping about being a good rapper, and being remembered, like he says on this song. Perhaps somebody should give him a championship for being a greedy son of a bitch... and hell, he'd probably accept it.

The club songs officially begin with Jazze Pha's guest spot and production on "Na-Nana-Na", which makes me want to vommit. Jazze Pha has the talent to make good beats, but usually fails when he's paired up with a materialistic rapper, and tends to over-produce with a bunch of hyped-up synthesizers and whiny, clap effects just like every single other fucking song on the radio. Nelly goes on and on about his desire for sex with females after picking them up in the club, which is something everybody and their mother has rapped about at one point or another. Hell, the hook isn't even catchy on here, which is his strong point. I'd rather vote for Bush again than listen to this. The Neptunes-produced "Flap Your Wings" is the big single, which is NOTHING MORE than a sequel to "Shake Ya Tailfeather"; last year's huge summer club hit. Once again, Nelly compares a girl to a bird, asking her to shake her booty, then takes time to brag about his expensive jewelry. Yup, he tries to seduce a girl with his jewelry. Pharrel Williams from the Neptunes makes an unadvertised guest appearance on here, attempting his trademark "whisper singing", which is worthless. Nelly is one of the worst rappers alive, hands down. His absolute lack of rhyme scheme and creativeness makes me want to stab him in the heart with a #2 Pencil: "I know ya thirsty ma, go ahead and order what cha want, some call it trickin, go ahead call it what cha want"... the shit don't even rhyme. Garbage... pure garbage, and oh, we're not done.

Just like in every single Nelly album that comes out, his buddies the St. Lunatics (think of Nelly with half the charisma) drop in on a couple songs. "American Dream" finds the Tics flushing out their fantasies about having sex every night with a different girl and being rich and whatnot, and the fact that they're basically living it. Once again, Nelly and his buddies brag and brag about how good life is for them, and how horrible it is for everybody else. Yeah, but you can't even make a good song you jack-ass. "Getcha Getcha" has the Lunatics once again starring aside Nelly in yet another club song. This song serves nothing than to bore me for eternity. Nelly and his buddies trade verses back and forth, each getting about 4 bars, backed by another overly-melodic beat laced with trumpet and those damn annoying commercial hand-claps. If the slurrrrrrr of the St. Louis natives doesn't get on your nerves enough, then the constant crooning and the fact that they are singing pretty much about nothing, jumping from materialistic topic to topic over and over will definitely give you disturbing thoughts of corkscrewing your eyeball. I would rather sleep in a bear trap than hear this again.

For those of you wondering what Nelly's secret to success is, I can easily explain. Nelly is not an emcee. In order to be an emcee, you must possess a lot more talent than Nelly will probably ever see in his lifetime. Nelly cleverly uses his false hip-hop "street cred" to disguise the fact that his music is nothing more than bubblegum pop at it's finest. His mixture of rapping and singing, blended together to fool an unknowing listener has drawn in hordes of fans, primarily girls age 13-18. Nelly has a certain charisma that doesn't affect me at all, but seems to draw fans like crazy. If anybody had any doubt that Nelly was nothing more than a false pop-singer trying to use "hip-hop" as an angle to sell to the streets, take a listen to "Tilt Ya Head Back" and you will know. Nelly is joined by Christina Aguilera, who is talented, but nothing but pure pop. Now I'm not saying rappers shouldn't interact with pop-stars, but in listening to the song you will know his intentions are to please the MTV croud. The strange thing about this song is that it's actually not bad at all. Nelly's singing of his vocals strangely twangs a Rick James vibe to my ears, and in fact, the song is much like the deceased musician's work. The funky beat and the chemistry between Nelly and Christina isn't bad at all, and her voice is unbelievably powerful, as it always is. The thing about the song that gets me is the fact that it's so unique, bouncy and fun that you tend to actually repeat it, or at least I did. I find it funny that a song that has virtually no rapping on it ends up being the best song on the album.

When I listen to "Anotha One", I think the same thing that the title implies. Another club song. Another song with Nelly bragging. Another overproduced beat (this time it's a bunch of robotic effects and synthesizers). Another display of Nelly rapping horribly (he rhymes down with down and then now, then down again). Another song which can either be misconstrued as filler, or just a bad song. Another song yours truly will not be dancing to. Another song that sounds like every other song by Nelly. Maybe it's me, but Nelly's getting worse every year, he's even doing the motherfucking Rocafella bullshit now: "I love the way you do dat right thurr, you just remember how you do dat right thurr".

The Formerly respected duo of Mobb Deep and Missy Elliot join... Nelly... on "Playa". I'm afraid I have to be honest: I'm feeling this beat. The song has a very 80's, gangster-vibe to it, with an excellent mixture of percussion and soft taps. As expected, the beat is the only saving grace here. Mobb Deep are definitive sell-outs, as you can tell by the subject matter when listening to this, finding Prodigy and Havoc confessing about only wanting sex, and not marriage. Missy drops the chorus, which is admittingly nice and fresh, but the typical Missy Elliot style. On a side note, hearing Nelly speak the Queensbridge slang deeply disturbed me, and I'm sure would make Ill Will roll over in his grave if he heard it. Hell, I'd rather go to prison and "Give Up the Goods" than listen to this another minute (pun intended).

The album (or should I say, first half) comes to a close with "Boy", which is nothing more than southern appeal. The southern slang used here, and the overproduced synthesizers simply screeeeeam Lil Jon, and the wanna-be gangsta lyrics only cement that opinion. Big Gipp ain't no gangsta. Nelly ain't no gangsta, and neither is Lil Flip... it's just a gimmick children, a gimmick. The only "street sweeper" Nelly has ever touched has been a mop, and the only thing Lil Flip has pulled is the ignition in his so-called expensive car. These guys probably wouldn't be able to beat Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges in a tag-team wrestling match, so there's no way I'm going to buy it. Pure "ghetto fabulous" bullshit all over the place. A fitting end to an unlistenable album.

Just as I expected, Nelly's Sweat sucks... plain and simple. Perhaps if we prepare ourselves for the worst at times, we can't be dissapointed, and perhaps if we get something good out of it, then it was worth it. Sadly, this isn't worth it at all. The whole album is club songs, so basically, if you like that, then by all means purchase a copy. However, Nelly's lack of true lyrical talent and his repetitiveness absolutely kill me and force me into submission quicker than a Kurt Angle throat-lock. The only thing worthwhile here is "Tilt Ya Head Back", which I enjoyed so much that it got the highest rating for a Nelly song by me ever. So if that comes out as a single, definitely get it. In the meantime, I suggest staying away from Sweat, because frankly, it stinks.

1 Star
 

...less