Tical 0 (The Prequel) [ECD] - Method Man

...THE WU TANG CLAN ALBUMS: TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL

_The Method Man Album Collection - Part I_


Author: DJ_primo


'''Published by dr_kdj_primo for DIJEH inc. / Works of Art'''

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'''INTRODUCTION'''

Two years ago on '''Ciao.co.uk''', I informed that Cappadonna is a ...
...New York City suburb in the USA. I also mentioned in my music review of '''The Yin And The Yang''' album that Cappadonna had numerous collaborations with Wu-Tang Clan lyricists on various classic records. Now meet Method Man ( '''real name: Clifford Smith''' ), another USA rapper who hails from Staten Island like Cappadonna. He is one of the original members the Wu-Tang Clan, an army of rap soldiers who released their exceptional '''Enter The 36 ... more

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THE WU TANG CLAN ALBUMS: TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL

The Method Man Album Collection - Part I

Author: DJ_primo

Published by dr_kdj_primo for DIJEH inc. / Works of Art

*********************************************************************** *****

INTRODUCTION

Two years ago on Ciao.co.uk, I informed that Cappadonna is a Hip Hop artist who is native to Staten Island, a New York City suburb in the USA. I also mentioned in my music review of The Yin And The Yang album that Cappadonna had numerous collaborations with Wu-Tang Clan lyricists on various classic records. Now meet Method Man ( real name: Clifford Smith ), another USA rapper who hails from Staten Island like Cappadonna. He is one of the original members the Wu-Tang Clan, an army of rap soldiers who released their exceptional Enter The 36 Wu-Tang Chambers album in 1993.

Although Method Man is formerly a member of the Wu-Tang Clan, most British fans of mainstream urban music probably know him better for his partnership with Redman. Hence he and Redman have released a Hip Hop album entitled 'Blackout' that was highly talked about amongst fans, publicly gaining popularity throughout Canada, UK and the USA. The album was therefore a major success, charting at number (No.) 1 on the US Top R'n'b / Hip Hop Albums and going platinum. The commercial success of this record, enabled Method man to make the most progress in the mainstream than any other Wu-Tang Clan artist like Inspectah Deck and Raekwon. Even before Method Man hooked up with Redman in 1999 to create the hyped-up 'Blackout', he was still the most popular Wu-Tang Clan artist throughout his early music career since 1994.

But unfortunately, Method Man being the most critically acclaimed member of the Wu-Tang Clan has recently turned pop and this has seriously affected the quality of his music. Sadly this is where Method Man's third rap album, 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' enters the equation and many of its tracks are exceedingly awful beyond my comprehension! In fact, Tical 0: The Prequel is possibly the most whack Hip Hop album, ever to be recorded in the history of Wu-Tang Clan. Tical 0: The Prequel is so trendy and materialistic that is sounds practically NOTHING like the classic albums each Wu-Tang Clan member (e.g. GZA, Ghostface Killah, Masta Killa, Raekwon, RZA etc.) have made in the 1990s.

I have always thought that Method Man was slightly weaker in comparison to his compatriot Wu-Tang Clan artists. He tends to limit his metaphors and subject matter to smoking weed and lighting up cigars as a way of creating a general display of his rapping style. Many other commercial artists like Snoop Dogg are known to create songs about smoking blunts and this therefore renders Method Man generic as a specialist in Hip Hop. Unlike superlative rap artists like Ghostface Killah and GZA who exhibit a greater variety to their rhymes, Method Man at times raps about the same things, making himself seemingly uncreative. In short, he generally comes across with cliché lyrics. Thus, Method Man is among my least favourite members of the Wu-Tang Clan along with Ol Dirty Bast*rd and U-God. Given my perspective, I find it ironic that this guy gets more public recognition than other Wu-Tang Clan members who I consider more authentic and creative rappers.

Still, it's difficult to believe that Method Man, who was part of a powerful army of rap soldiers with tremendous skill, would create the most odious, disgraceful record. I mean…. his third album sucks period with its appalling production and THE SHOW of high profile guest appearances like Missy Elliott ( real name: Melissa Arnette ) is really disappointing. The, 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' album literally has tonnes of silly tracks and is even more smellier than Nelly's Nellyville or let's say nastier than dog's faeces.

To inform you readers just how stinky the 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' is, I will have to fight my way through the stench of the album's filthy tracks. Unsanitary tracks like ACT RIGHT and TEASE might have lyrical excrements of dirty, unfocused subject matter spread over sloppy, musical instruments. Thus I must have a toilet roll and toilet brush handy!

WHAT I EXPERIENCED

In 2007, I decided to listen to Method Man's 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' album in full, so I opened it's toilet lid to view its musical contents. As I to looked into each song at an instant, I was struck with unpleasant odours of poor lyricism and messy beats that have absolutely no rhythm. Since 2007, the horrible smell of most songs like BABY COME ON, have acted as a repellent towards my nostrils and for moment I feared they could intoxicate my eardrums!

In 2008, I got a headgear that offered me protection from the awful production, dreadful choruses and whack rhymes that my eardrums couldn't handle back in 2007. Thus I was now ready to give a track-by-track analysis on the basis of squalid lyrics and foetid production for Method Man's toilet of a record. In this context, I examined the faecal contents of 'Tical 0: The Prequel' album that represents the nasty, musical potty that Method Man sits on. Okay Ciao readers, I am putting on my gas mask, helmet, marigold gloves and antibacterial_ suit as I prepare to walk into the rappers' lavatory….

1. INTRO (1:01 min) featuring The RZA

(Not a genuine music track)

Wu-Tang Clan soldier, RZA ( real name: Robert Diggs ) gives an induction to 'Tical 0: The Prequel' over a fitting production. Although he is a rapper and long-known producer for Method Man's songs, he neither raps nor produces the INTRO. Instead he just talks over introductory beats supplied by another producer, namely Yogi ( real name: Jeremy Graham ) for Big Things Inc / The Hitmen / Bad Boy Entertainment.

Interestingly for a commercial producer, Yogi is unusual in that he can construct an instrumental that carries a cinematic sound, typical of Wu-Tang Clan. The atmosphere of his beat reminds me of a scene of marching warriors, heading for battle.

Method Man is absent in the Intro.

Rating: not applicable

2. THE PREQUEL (4:08 min) featuring Streetlife

THE PREQUEL to the list of genuine music tracks starts with track 2. This is where Method Man is actually rapping on the microphone and lyrically Method Man is announcing his return to the music industry with 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' album. The Prequel is the B-side track to one of the album's singles - The Show (see later), but Method Man has actually made a video for it (as I saw on Youtube).

Method Man collaborates with his close friend, Streetlife ( real name: Patrick Charles ) whom he met in Staten Island, New York. The Staten Island rapper starts of well on The Prequel by spitting nice lines with rhyming skills at the beginning of verse one:

[Method Man - 1st verse]
' ....Once again, it's the super, pied piper
Light your lighters for the future
And I ain't talking about Mekhi Phifer
Roll it if you got it people
At last the Prequel
And the eye ball….'

But as THE PREQUEL continues from there, Method Man steadily begins to fall off lyrically. His ability to rhyme, gets progressively weaker with more simplistic wordplay that makes the rest of his first verse look sloppier. Method Man hits rock bottom with his lyricism in verse two as he finally loses his rhythm with his rhyme schemes, ending lines with different sounding monosyllables. Method Man's rapping performance around verse two is nothing but a sloppy mess of disyllables and monosyllables scattered all over the ground like horse's poo. His lyrical performance is also marred by the presence of tedious topics about smoking herbs, getting money and getting flashy at clubs. Thus Method Man delivers cliche lines like:

' ....Methods like that yall, when I return you know the good herb is back y'all....'

And quite frankly I am getting really sick and tired of these dreary lyrics about smoking marijuana or lighting up "spliffs". Does Method Man ever rhyme about something else?

Besides the smoky stench of marijuana coming out of his mouth, Method Man continuously sounds out of puff in his delivery over the course of THE PREQUEL. This happens as he spits over the microphone and I could feel it in his tone of voice. It seems to me that Method Man was experiencing constipation whereby the pain of rock-solid faeces in his bowels causes him to lose concentration, lyrically.

Streetlife sounds somewhat uninspiring to my eardrums as he delivers the hook. When Streetlife spits a whole verse as he did as a guest artist on the magic Hellz Wind Staff he really shines as an artistic lyricist. The same rings true for practically all the verses he wrote for tracks on his own album, Street Education. But when it comes to handling choruses, Streetlife is useless, ranging from mediocre to extreme whackness as all he does is incoherently yell or scream. This is exactly what Streetlife does on The Prequel. His hook sounds kind of corny and insane to my eardrums and only serves to render him an inane Hip Hop performer.

The beats provided by Rick Rock ( real name: Rick Thomas ) for Sharrick and Mook Inc. is a composite of synthesised drum loops, drum claps and digital bass lines. The drum and bass synthesisers in Rick Rock's production sound like they were created on a Commodore 64 computer or Sega Mega Drive games console. Nevertheless, these musical elements are surprisingly decent if not magnificent in sound and actually compensate for the useless performances by Method Man and Streetlife. Rick Rock's instrumental is electronic with a commercial feel to it and its atmospheric effect on the track is up-tempo and animated. Thus, the musical input is quite interesting to my eardrums but not convincing enough to garner The Prequel repeated listens from me.

Overall, this is not a spectacular music track, but remember Ciao readers this is just THE PREQUEL. The worst odours are yet to come on this rap album upon which Method Man and some of his bad guests farted on.

Rating: 6/10

3. SAY WHAT (2:07 min) featuring Missy Elliott

SAY WHAT represents the first obnoxious tune on this album and it is a ridiculous attempt at a party track that sounds pretty horrendous to my ears. It has a lame beat by P. Diddy, a dumb hook handled by Missy Elliott and a dreadful subject matter by Method Man who raps in materialistic mode.

It doesn't take rocket science to figure out why Method Man allowed the presence of Missy Elliott and P. Diddy on his Wu-Tang Clan record. In my opinion, SAY WHAT shows that he is blatantly selling out! He is trying very hard to be a pop-rap artist, switching from his original Wu Tang Clan vibe to the played out crap oozing out of P. Diddy's anus like light-brown, porridge faeces. It therefore follows from my theory that Method Man was trying to make stacks of ready money, getting greedy in the process. After all, no matter whom the artist's album is (e.g. Ghostface Killah's, Nas' etc.) whenever there is P. Diddy and Missy Elliott, the song is always going to be infinitely making cash.

The stinky instrumental from Puff crappy…. Pee Piddy…. errr Poo Diddy? Sorry I mean cheese Puff Daddy, corn Puff Diddy, corned beef Diddy, cream Puff Daddy? I sincerely apologise for this Ciao members, but I'm not exactly sure what this shades wearing guy calls himself these days. Anyway P. Diddy works in conjunction with Tony Dofat to lace the whack production for the Hitmen / Bad Boy Entertainment. The production provides a flashy atmosphere of awkward drum loops, ugly Indian horns and cheap bass lines that sound like they were stolen from a Casio keyboard. The high-pitched horns that sound off in the background are, according to my memory, the worst quality of instruments in recent history. They are ugly and sound like a schoolboy or a schoolgirl farting heavily in the classroom, fouling the air very strongly with rotten egg gas. In short, the horns smell bad like hydrogen sulphide and may even be fatal to me as a rap listener.

Method Man's verses smell EVEN WORSE than hydrogen sulphide and contain mixtures of misogynistic wordplay, monosyllabic rhymes and materialistic clichés that flow like hydrogen selenide gas. He spits commercial garbage like ' Ticallion is phatter than your fattest chrome chain….' and ' ….It's Meth, baby, drop top, navy Mercedes….'. However these bad lines still don't compare with ' ….if the bed rockin', keep knockin' and I'mma cum….'. that represents the undigested pile of rotten radishes in a human's excrement.

Just one more thing - talking like Columbo, check out Method Man fantastic ability to rhyme words (yeah right!):

[Method Man - 2nd verse]
' ….Who kiss girlfriends that kiss they girlfriends….'

SAY WHAT again?

There are so many more crap lines for me to quote from all three of Method Man's verses that it's just so UTTERLY ridiculous!

Missy Elliott screams the chorus like a voodoo witch while P. Diddy leaves bits of his poo in the chorus by uttering ' ….say what?….', one his annoying ad-libs. God, that sorceress, Missy Elliott really shatters my eardrums with her evil voice on this lifeless club track.

Rating: 0/10

4. WHAT'S HAPPENIN' (3:52 min) featuring Busta Rhymes

Produced by DJ Scratchator ( real name: Herbert Jordan ) for Tourian Music

WHAT'S HAPPENIN' was the track that Method Man selected as the first single from his 'Tical 0: The Prequel' album and personally I think this was a terrible choice. Lyrical-wise, the song sucks due to misogynistic lines uttered from the mouths of Method Man and Busta Rhymes ( real name: Trevor Tahiem Smith, Jr. ). For example Method Man spits questionable, party lyrics that serves to make What's Happenin' sound more horrible to my eardrums. After hearing simplistic lines like ' ….Spaz! Just a little, got a sack lookin' fizzle….' I sometimes ask Method Man, WHAT'S HAPPENIN' to your ability to rhyme! Furthermore, Method Man and Busta Rhyme deliver low quality verses and the rhyming skills are mediocre on many occasions throughout What's Happenin'.

The production has a feel of animation and really sets the good mood of the song, but to me it's nothing particularly special. In addition, the production doesn't save the track from the whack performances of the two Hip Hop artists who bear poor execution of club lyrics.

Rating: 4/10

5. THE MOTTO (3:59 min)

Produced by Nasheim Myrick and Lee Stone for Top of N.Y. Inc.

Rating: 5/10

6. WE SOME DOGS (4:30 min) featuring Redman & Snoop Dogg

The only highlight of WE SOME DOGS, is the South-coast emcee, Redman ( real name: Reginald Noble ) whose comical wordplay and punch-lines are nicely delivered in this track. However his lyrical performance is not groundbreaking, as hardly any of his lines seem to rhyme.

Method Man and Snoop Dogg ( real name: Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr. ) lyrically fare worse with verses that suck royally. Method Man sucks with lines like ' …. got a b*tch in my bed, in nothing but a g-string, so peep game….'. Snoop Dogg carries out what he loves to do best when he drops a guest verse - rap a load of rubbish about D-O double to the G! Would you readers believe that Snoop Dogg actually steals lines from Nelly's chorus on Batter Up?

[Snoop Dogg - 3rd verse]
' Fish don't fry in the kitchen, b*tch don't climb, keep b*tching
Beans don't burn on the grill, 3, 4, 5….'

Snoop Dogg's lyricism is so formidable and unimaginable that I refuse to describe his terrible verse in further detail.

Within a few minutes of playing WE SOME DOGS, I keep pushing the skip button far too often. This is because Denaun Porter makes this song too horrible for me to listen to and it is no surprise that I find it extremely intolerable. Denaun Porters' lame attempts at a West Coast beat is laughable with all those stupid bass lines farting and squirting all over the place. It's like experiencing the sound of mucky faeces oozing out of a dog's hairy bum and splurging underneath the soles of a pedestrian stepping on it. The irritating sound of guitar loops and persistent percussion kicks in the background of the production stink also.

Although We Some Dogs is one of the album's most humiliating songs, I still rate it 2/10 but merely for Redman's skill as a punch-line rapper. Without him, I could have punished this track severely with a big fat ZERO (or ----0/10). This would have come about thanks to the dreadful piece of dog sh*t from Method Man, Snoop Dogg and that AWFUL beat.

Overall this song is a huge pile of bones, dog excrement and raw meat, rotting and spreading through the air like putrescene that poisons my nervous system! I came out of this track crawling, feeling very sick and struggling to make it to the next track for The Turn of a better music.

Rating: 2/10

7. THE TURN (3:01 min) featuring Raekwon

The direction of this lame album takes THE TURN for the better as I stop at track number seven and this is where my favourite producer, RZA enters the equation. RZA builds a relaxing instrumental for Wu-Tang productions using a nice combination of atmospheric bass and cymbal percussion fit for authentic Hip Hop. Halfway through the track, the production takes The Turn for a nice execution of samples extracted from "Where Are You Going To My Love?" This is where RZA harmonises vocals of The Miracles, and this is an essential element that his innovative instrumental comprises.

Raekwon ( real name: Corey Woods ), a member of the Wu-Tang Clan delivers a fantastic verse by spitting multi-syllabic rhyme schemes that bring some magic to The Turn. He comes up with great lines like ' …. we left, the radio broke, I yoke my vocals, hittin' green smoke….' that combine dope wordplay, intricate metaphors and in-rhyming skills. In other words, ' Everywhere I turn, I see…' a rhyming talent in Raekwon's magnificent verse.

Method Man lyrically performs much better than he did on the last five tracks and his rhyming in the second verse is impressive. But near the end of 3:01 minutes of this track, Method Man begins falling off. He takes a nosedive into whackness when he yells ' If ya'll muthaf*ckas gettin' high tonight, say all right, haha' that I found pointless and redundant. The ending to Method Man's lyricism in the third verse takes criticism for being hopeless as well:

[Method Man - 3rd verse]
' ….honey's "bee" like Meth, I be like what?
They want some free cd's, I'm like "see these" nuts….'

Rating: 7/10

8. TEASE (4:50 min) featuring Chinky

Ciao readers, rap listeners and R'n'b listeners take heed, as I approach the commercial track called TEASE. This song screams profound sex! Yep that's right. This lame Hip Hop and R'n'b collaboration finds Method Man bragging about all the women he can sexually appease while Chinky begs him to TEASE her in bed.

Method Man says that all women ' ....love me back....' because ' ....I'm the best thing since cooked food....' and the presence of these lines in his rhymes exposes his arrogance. Method Man further displays his haughtiness in the first verse with wordplays like ' ....A head docter, get it poppin' like Reddenbacher....' that increase the stupidness of his rapping. The fact that Method Man further extends his subject matter to graphically describe his sexual encounter with a girl he f*cks is even more disturbing for my mind. Thus, at the end of verse one he actually admits to sticking his ' ....gravel pit d*ck....' into the girl and trying as hard as possible to be a ' ....bed rocker....'. Method Man changes his vocal delivery during the process of rapping the second verse to sound more like a South Coast emcee and I found this completely pointless.

From a lyrical standpoint, the best part of Tease is the second verse because Method Man at least strives to spit a few multi-syllables rhymes. However the Wu-Tang Clan rapper also raps simplistic wordplay and double-rhymes monosyllabic words in verse three, the worst part of the song. The quality of Method Man's rhyming skills in verse one reside between verses two and three. Regardless, all three verses are misogynistic and shallow due to Method Man's catastrophic delivery and shoddy lyricism that bestows misery upon me.

Guest singer Chinky ( real name: Talia Burgess ) provides a rather revolting hook that merely serves to make TEASE sound more saucy to my ears in a nauseating manner. I will admit that Chinky has a beautiful singing voice with a strong American accent and I give her credit for the wonderful vocals she provides for this song. But the things that Chinky actually says in her chorus for TEASE is extremely dreadful and painful for my listening experience:

[Chinky - chorus]
' Give me one reason to stop teasin', cause I
Know you got good sex for me, tell me what comes next for me
Give me one reason to stop teasin', cause I
Know you got good sex for me, tell me what comes next for me'

Personally upon my study of the choruses and verses, I don't think Chinky and Method Man were actually in the music studio recording this track. Rather I'd say they were f*cking each other hard in the bedroom while making this song for the album, along with scribbling their lyrics on paper. After 4:50 minutes of writing lustful garbage about awful sex, Method Man must have left a large stinking pool of cum on the bed sheets. Likewise that disgusting singer, Chinky probably sh*t-stained her duvet cover and pillows with semen and watery faeces after begging Method Man for ' ....good sex....'.

Regardless of Method Man's and Chinky's whackness, I still found TEASE pleasant to listen to due to the sound of production scheme that was compliant with my eardrums. This where I give some credit to No I.D. ( real name: Dion Wilson ) for his role as the producer of Tease for Face The Movement. His execution of musical instruments for his production saves the track from being totally whack. The instrumental for TEASE has a pimpish feel, but it is creatively built as a two bar melody scheme that covers up Method Man's rubbish lyrics. Within this two bar melody are keyboard treble notes that play persistently with an infusion of commercial drum kicks and synthesised percussion loops. Unfortunately though, No I.D. slightly spoils his musical production with irritating sounds of sexual intercourse between a man and woman playing it rough in bed.

Rating: 4/10

9. RODEO (2:57 min) featuring Ludacris

After having sex with stinky…. sorry I mean Chinky on track 8, Method Man still couldn't help his libido so he searched for a guest rapper to help him satisfy his lust for females. Then he bumped into Ludacris ( real name: Christopher Bridges ), a South Coast rapper and found the perfect man help him centre his lyricism around rocking "chicks" in bed. Now he is ready to go to the studio with Ludacris and record RODEO for his Tical 0: Prequel album. Sigh....

RODEO was the second single that Method Man released from his album, making a video for this track on 27th July 2004. Production-wise Rodeo is annoying, boisterous and fart-wise in sound to my eardrums just like the whack beats for We Some Doggs that I heard back on track 5. The instrumental is a huge travesty and musically it's nearly as annoying as P. Diddy's commercial beat on SAY WHAT but thankfully it doesn't compare to that crap -stravaganza. The instrumental is provided by Boogz ( real names: J. Gwin and B. Mabry ) a duo of producers who I have never heard of. Whoever these producers are they sure don't know how to create a musical melody that fits the style of Hip Hop even if it's for a commercial target. They just concoct a pathetic mix of drum kicks, electronic percussion snares, prosaic bass guitars and background keyboard synthesisers that provide an idiotic atmosphere to the song.

Given the name RODEO, this track is obviously commercial and it is yet another lame song about enticing and teasing girls. For this purpose Method Man wastes no time using the assistance of Ludacris whose presence as a guest on Rodeo is exceedingly annoying for my listening experience! On top of this, Ludacris is highly obsessed in making songs that centre directly on his sexual appetite for women like some kind of disgusting pervert. Therefore it's hardly surprising to see Ludacris get into bed with Method Man on RODEO, bronco-busting women and girls like sex toys.

All of Method Mans' and Ludacris' verses are terrible and contain some of the most horrible, written lyrics that I have ever heard and seen. This was precisely the case when I read the Rodeo lyrics on an Internet site and listened to them on the CD. The subject matters from both rappers are highly misogynistic and poorly executed on sloppy wordplay and simplistic metaphors that make RODEO catastrophic to my eardrums. Look at the rotten rubbish of devilish rhymes that come from the tongue of a pimpish emcee like Ludacris:

[Ludacris - 2nd verse]
' Let a nigga get nut pushed, better yet let a nigga get some head
I work 'em, work 'em or feed 'em, burp 'em, then jerk 'em, instead
I get my nuts pushed, on the bottom to the top of your gums
I feel your slurpin', slurpin, I'm skeetin' and squirtin' your tongue'

Still though, Method man coughs up nastier rhymes that are EVEN smellier and uglier than Ludacris' verses. I mean this guy comes out with atrocious wordplay like ' ….keep p*ssies leakin' through pantyhoes, marijuana smell on my clothes….' that is more noxious than ' ….pigeons….' droppings. What kind of crap lyrics is ' .…To all the chicks with they asses thick….' that Method Man uses for his faecal excuse of bronco-busting rap? Maybe he is desperately requesting women to ' ….break out the 'dro and give….' him ' ….some mo'….' seminal fluid on the RODEO song, not that it's anything creative or imaginative!

However even the bad verses can't compare with the hideous chorus that Method Man and Ludacris shout together in horrendous fashion like dangerous rapists.

Rating: --0/10

10. BABY COME ON (4:01 min) featuring Kardinall Offishall

Produced by Fafu ( real name: M. Plfaflin ) for Mbugout City Productions

Method Man continues to act idiotic with yet more prosaic subject matter, this time about some girl he nicknames baby on the prosaic BABY COME ON. To make the situation worse, the abundance of monosyllables and absence of rhyme schemes expose Method Man's loss of competence as a skilled rapper. His lethargic lyricism is lazy and simplistic and he doesn't even sound charismatic to me as a rap listener. Method Man tries to make up for his lyrical crap-stravaganza and lack of charisma by trying out a few punch lines, hoping to impress me as a rap listener. Alas though, he backfires due to some of the corniest wordplays and WEAKEST punch-lines in history:

[Method Man - 2st verse]
' ….won't lie, I love P-U-S-S-Y, (why?)
Cuz I never let it walk on by, or any slice of the american pie.…'

….a little, candlelight, a little glass of wine
I'm thinkin', another drink and that a** is mine….

I'm telling you Ciao readers, he's a sick man right now!

Besides that, everything else about BABY COME ON is pure rubbish, including the devilish production and gibberish chorus sung by the Jamaican wannabe, Kardinall Offishall ( real name: Jason Harrow ) ! Lyrically, Kardinall Offishall's hook is not the slightest bit catchy, at least to me. He tells me that '…._she crush up me things and light me weed…._' as some of the corny and silly facts about the girl he calls BABY. What kind of nonsense wordplay is ' …. gal dem we *ugh*, and gal we screw, when we need the girl, up one night po' half me crew….'????

Kardinall Offishall has the cheapest Jamaican vocals that spell the biggest disaster of Baby Come On making this track one of the hardest for me to listen to. All this guy does is bring noise to my eardrums in the ugliest fashion like a man singing the in the toilet while he spends time cleaning his bum. I just find it laughable that he tries so hard to be a West-Indian reggae artist with horrible results when he is fact a CANADIAN Hip Hop artist! Yes that's right Ciao readers Kardinall Offishall is from Canada, not Jamaica! Kardinall Offishall's aberrant singing infects my eardrums like a virulent strain of E. Coli spread by contact with someone forgetting to wash their hands after a diarrhoea session. I had to clean out my eardrums with anti-bacterial cotton swabs after hearing this sh*tty song that goes by the name of Baby Come On.

Rating: -0/10

11. WHO YA ROLLIN WIT (4:26 min)

(Note: Although Streetlife and Shawnna are not credited on this song, they are featured on this track.)

Goodness gracious what an atrocious track! Based on my listening experience, WHO YA ROLLIN WIT is a huge steaming, mess of dogs' sh*t with pointless attempts at commercialism, thus indicating more whackness….

Now Method Man and Streetlife hit a NEW LOW with this one, giving a horrific show of tragic rhymes over some pathetic production put together by Jellyroll. Jellyroll has made a name for himself as being lamest producer on the planet with the ugliest arrangement of musical elements that are pure detriment to my ears. The beats ('''if you can call it that!''') sounds like a freaking video game invented for the Spectrum 48K with all those busy computer effects attacking my eardrums in noisy fashion.

Method Man gets very annoying with his wordplay and in all of his verses he seemingly raps about…. NOTHING! His lyrics are nothing but drivel like someone rhyming without purpose. Streetlife wins the award for being the world's worst singer after delivering his monstrous vocals on perhaps the dumbest hook I heard on the 'Tical 0: The Prequel' album:

[Streetlife (Shawnna) - chorus]
' We drinkin' Henny til we flip, poppin' bottles til we sick
All ya'll haters eat a d*ck (yeah, uh)
Let's throw a party in this b*tch, all my ni**az and my chicks
Tell me who ya'll rollin' with (yeah)'

Cliché rhymes like ' We drinkin' Henny til we flip, poppin' bottles til we sick….' exemplify crappy commercial Hip Hop. If Streetlife was to present this "singing-rapping audition" to Simon Cow on the X factor in the UK or American Idol in the USA, everyone including the judges will be booing him. Shawnna ( real name: Rashawnna Guy ) doesn't help the grotesque nature of the chorus either as she delivers her irritating, singing-like ad-libs.

So Method Man and Streetlife as a disappointed rap listener I ask the two of you naughty Hip Hop performers this question - Who Ya Rollin Wit? Are the two of you ROLLIN with ' ….poppin' bottles….' and a useless producer like Jellyroll. Or are you guys ROLLIN with skills on the mic and a timeless producer like RZA. I need answers from you two because this nasty song is not funny! It's filthy and foul!

Sigh. Another cheap, throw away track that deserves to be flushed down the men's toilet like human excrement.

Rating: ---0/10

12. NEVER HOLD BACK (3:05 min) featuring Saukrates and E3

This twelfth track serves to prove that Method Man NEVER holds BACK in bringing more lame guests who deliver whack performances on the microphone. NEVER HOLD BACK finds Method Man switching his subject matter between multiple topics making him sound like a lost rapper who swims aimlessly in sewage water. The fact that Method Man seemingly can't stick to the same subject matter is ludicrous and the ad-libs from Saukrates ( real name: Amani Wailoo ) and beats from E3 ( real name: Ellis Hall ) are equally preposterous.

E3 laces a fake West-Coast production that sounds like a cheap imitation of a Dr Dre or Snoop Dogg track. His beat is nearly as embarrassing as Denaun Porter's on We Some Dogs but overall it doesn't compare to that poo-stravaganza.

Rating: 0/10

13. THE SHOW (2:30 min)

Produced by Self for Self Service Entertainment

THE SHOW is another drivel with inane lyrics just like that mundane track, Never Hold Back. I honestly can't understand how Method Man could have picked The Show as his third single and then make a video for it. There are better alternatives like The Turn and Afterparty that bestow me with beautiful RZA beats and creative guest verses from Raekwon and Ghostface Killah.

The good news about The Show is that it is actually not a materialistic song according to the music video that I watched on Youtube. Furthermore Self provides a nice melody of light piano loops, single flutes and soft percussion claps in the background and the sound of this production keeps my eardrums relaxed.

Although Method Man's displays good charisma in his delivery and flows well over self's pleasant instrumental, his lyrical performance is very appalling. He raps about different topics within one verse and poorly executes them on lazy rhymes that are watered down to the taste of sewage water. Just for The Show check out Method Man's poor excuse of simplistic lyricism below. It dangerously creeps beneath Nelly's level of rhyming:

[Method Man]
' ….trick, oh, you ain't crushin', sister, I can't do nothin' wit you
My money's celebate, honey, and we ain't f*ckin' wit you
I do it for the nookie, some say I'm too pushy
Only thing better than pus*y, that's some new pus*y

I have one word. RUBBISH!

Rating: 4/10

14. ACT RIGHT (3:17 min)

Produced by Rockwilder ( real name: Dana Stinson ) for F-5 productions

Method Man fails to ACT RIGHT on this track that is lyrically very whack!

Rating: ---0/10

15. AFTERPARTY (3:12 min) featuring Ghostface

AFTERPARTY is one of the few creative tracks on this album and production-wise I find it wonderful due the addictive, violin driven instrumental that RZA provides. Fellow Wu-Tang Clan member, Ghostface ( real name: Dennis Coles ) always brings the best of out of any Wu-Tang Clan rapper even if it is on a bad album. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that Method Man returns to his best form that encompasses good quality lyricism and scintillating delivery. This is what made Method Man an exciting Hip Hop performer in the first place. This also applies to the charisma he used to show on his debut album, 'Tical' and all the old Wu-Tang classics like 'Only Built For Cuban Linx''.

In my opinion, After Party is the zenith of Method Man's 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' and that is no question!

Rating: 8/10

16. CROOKED LETTER I (3:48 min) featuring Streetlife

Produced by Denaun Porter for Mr Porter Productions Inc.

Method Man and Streetlife return to the microphone one more time to contaminate my ears with a lifeless piece of music that stinks of whackness. I couldn't be bothered to talk about the lyrics from either rapper because their concepts of CROOKED LETTER I don't make a lot of sense to me. The flow of Streetlife's voice is especially awkward, nasty and CROOKED, causing my ears some injury.

Denaun Porter confirms his status as bad producer by lacing a smelly production that is composed of goofy bass lines alternating with stinky guitar loops over background percussion poops. His instrumental is just abysmal and probably wouldn't even be liked by any fan of commercial music, even if it means POP music! The low-pitched bass lines in the production are annoying, ugly and pure torture for my mind. They sound like someone trying to keep his or her a$$ closed, but couldn't stop the fart…. I mean…. gas blowing out.

I don't think my nose can handle the stench of any more of these awful lyrics and disgraceful production schemes like these ones on Crooked Letter I. So I will run as fast as I can through tracks 17 and 18 to reach my CONCLUSION of this album.

Rating: 2/10

17. RIDIN' FOR OUTRO (1:01 min) featuring Black Ice

(Not a genuine music track)

Produced by Yogi for Big Things Inc / The Hitmen / Bad Boy Entertainment

Black Ice ( real name: Lamar Manson ) speaks street poetry over Yogi's instrumental. Method Man is absent from this track.

Rating: not applicable

18. LET'S DO IT (4:37 min) featuring Redman (BONUS TRACK)

Produced by Scott Storch

Rating: 4/10

CONCLUSION

So I return to the verdict - where does 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL' stand between being a classic and a catastrophic record of music? In other words how good was the scent of Method Man's album between fresh (5 star) and foetid (1 star). Well in conclusion, on the scale of 1 to 5 stars, I rate Method Man's album just 1 star. My final decision comes as a consequence of all the rotten production, malodorous lyrics and unscrupulous subject matter on a majority of the album's tracks.

Method Man abandoned the creative sound of the Wu-Tang Clan to a significant degree in favour for unpleasant collaborations with unimaginative, overrated artists like Missy Elliott and Snoop Dogg. These commercial guests paid a visit to Method Man's album and used it as a toilet to empty their bowels and dump their revolting, sh*tty lyrics in the water ("splash", "splish", "splosh"). In short they got 'Tical 0: The Prequel' third album wasted as f*ck!

Method Man's apparent lack of good beat selection is the main failing point of this album. The rapper used too many amateurish beats from no-name producers like Fafu, Jellyroll and the highly overrated P. Diddy and Denaun Porter, all of who suck. If he hired in-house Wu-Tang Clan producers like 4th Disciple and True Master alongside RZA to produce more of the tracks, his third album could have been memorable. Inevitably with all these pop-rap producers like P. Diddy, many rap fans, especially followers of the Wu-Tang Clan, will see 'TICAL 0: THE PREQUEL as being forgettable.

I will admit that Method Man does have the ability to charismatic and scintillating at times as he has proved on past Wu-Tang Clan releases. But after this album, Method Man will be fighting for his buttocks in the mainstream toilet to convince rap fans that he must be respected as an emcee.

Oh and one more thing Method Man. For your next album kindly leave out Talia Burgess a.k.a. Chinky as I don't wan't to hear a stinky, female prostitute singer on a Wu-Tang Clan album.

Yo, I'm outta here. Respect.

APPENDIX

Best beats: THE TURN, AFTERPARTY

Worst beats: SAY WHAT, WE SOME DOGGS, WHO YA ROLLIN WIT

Best Guests: Raekwon, Ghostface Killah

Worst Guests: Kardinall Offishall

Overall rating for album: 2.7/10

Total marks = 46, 17 music tracks * 10 = 170

46/170 = 2.7/10 = 1.35/5 = 1 star 

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