Your New Favourite Band [ECD] - Hives (The) > Reviews > Urticaria Rocks My Hairy Anus

Author's product rating:   

Originality
Lyrics
Quality and consistency of tracks
How does it compare to the artist's other releases
Value for Money

Advantages:	It's only rock 'n' roll, but I like it .
Disadvantages:	Couple of weak tracks .  Might already own material .

Recommend to potential buyers:

yes

Full review

You weren’t there in the beginning, man. You don’t remember sitting in front of MTV one day, watching Zane, the chin-stroking “v-jay” of Brand New extolling the virtues of a Swedish 5 piece band, whose video featured them sitting in front of an electric fire with way too much bronzer on their faces. You don’t remember spilling your bubble & squeak down your lap because you had to get up and ROCK (pronounced RAAAAWRK!) to the Stones/New York Dolls/punk related tune belting out of the stereo speakers on your 2nd hand TV. You never went out and bought the band’s album “Veni Vidi Vicious” because nowhere was stocking the single, which didn’t even go Top 40. No, this was the time when ROCK was in a period of transgression, and YOU don’t remember doing any of the above things because it was ME that did them. Ha! Unless you’re a Scanner in which case – get out of my head!

This is not to say that I “discovered” The Hives (for it is them) by accident – Zane and his chin had been playing the video for “Die, All Right!” for a while, and the band did have 2 more records out before “Veni…” (the “Barely Legal” LP and the a.k.a. i-d-i-o-t EP). BUT it’s fricking fantastic to see the cheeky whippersnaps get some recognition, beating the Strokes into a bloody pulp (here’s hoping, anyway – who the f**k decided moaning in rock was trendy again?) and spitting horse pish into the eyes of Creed. This is rock ‘n’ roll in its true form, mothertruckers – fast, nasty and a little bit angry. Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome in the world of The Hives…

***BEFORE WE GET TO IT - SOME BAND INFO***
The Hives are, like I said (pay attention!) a 5 piece rock ‘n’ roll combo from the distant shores of Sweden, just like yer Backyard Babies and yer Hellacopters. They are:

Dr Matt Destruction – bass
Howlin’ Pelle Almqvist – vocals
Chris Dangerous – drums
Nicholaus Arson – guitar
Vigilante Carlstroem – guitar

Oh, and there’s the matter of “the 6th Hive” – Randy Fitzsimmons. He’s a shadowy mystery man who apparently writes all the band’s songs, and who has never been sighted. Say what you want about the Hives, but their imaginations are working overtime. You gotta love those names too – Dr Matt Destruction is probably the best bass player’s name since Rat Scabies (ask your mum - if she liked punk).

***THE CD***
Not actually a new album from the guys in black, but rather a compilation of b-sides and album tracks from “Barely Legal” and “Veni…” which was a bit annoying for your faithful reviewer, seeing as I already own the latter record. Still, I did get 7 brand spanking new tracks (to my ears), plus 4 videos (more later), so not too unhappy a Benny after all. The casing is red with spiffy white text, and a black silhouette of the band on the front. The inlay features all the lyrics you’re likely to need, and info on where all the songs come from. Oddly, the track “Outsmarted” is listed as coming from the “a.k.a. i-d-i-o-t-” EP – I’m sure it does, but it’s also on “Veni…” fact fans! There are no thank-yous to speak of, and the back cover simply lists the tunes and looks very 60’s. As does the front cover, thinking about it.

***THE TRACKS***

(Cue big grin spreading over Ben’s face quicker than Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen creams his velvety pants upon entering Ikea). The tracks… I love the tracks, the tracks are good. VERY GOOD. Take a bite of Rolling Stones, chew up some Sex Pistols in the same mouthful, take a sip of Backyard Babies and mash it all together. Spit it into the face of any passing member of a nu-metal band and watch delightedly as they choke on it. This sort of explains the Hives, plus my attitude to baggy pant wearing drones who buy Slipknot tops because all their mates did, but secretly twirl their toes to BritneyAguileraWestlifeBlue of an evening. Not that I’m of the attitude that folks can only listen to *one* kind of music, but I wouldn’t dream of associating myself with a band through t-shirt wearing if I didn’t love ‘em. No matter how cool I think the Cradle of Filth shirt slogans are, I wouldn’t want people thinking I liked that nonsense.

**Track One – Hate To Say I Told You So**
Beginning with a very Stones riff, this soon evokes memories of Iggy Pop – and not acting in The Crow 2 either. Brought up to date with some odd keyboard samples, this has an inescapable groove, chunky guitar riffs and cheeky words “...because I wanna…be ignored by the stiff and the bored…” Howlin’ Pelle does his best Iggy impression, with the same kind of broken-up verses and huge screams. When the mid section comes in, and all you can hear is the bass guitar rumbling behind Pelle’s vocals – you will know that rock ‘n’ roll can save your soul. Or at least sound a hell of a lot more passionate than The Strokes…

**Track Two – Main Offender**
With an opening salvo that may make you want to shout “PARK-LIFE!” - this fortunately kicks in with a raucous riff and ragged lead guitar before calming down (sort of) into another solid, chunky tune. The radio-mic effect on Pelle’s voice makes him sound rough when it counts, especially for his end-of-chorus cry of “WHY ME?” This is very old-school punk, not the angry nonsensical sort, more like the Elvis Costello school, with guitars turned up to “turn that down” and some excellent lyrics - “I thought it all over and I spit it out/When I spit I spit on those that I care less about” – classy.

**Track Three – Supply And Demand**
A tom-tom led beat with stabs of guitar over Pelle spitting out his lyrics, this is less immediate than the first two tracks, a little more stop-and-start, but keeping the punk-rock beat going. Is that a saxophone I hear in the background? Not sure, but any tune with a handclap break in the middle scores big in my book. Nearing the end of the track the guitars slip into chaos with feedback noises cutting into the chorus, not recommended for walkman listening, it’s shriller than a herd of Aled Joneses that all swallowed whistles.

**Track Four – Die, All Right!**
If you watch Channel Four, this is the tune they use for their Thursday night comedy adverts. If you don’t – this is the tune Channel Four… okay, you get the idea. This is the track that got me into the Hives back in 2000. It starts with the best drum intro on the CD, and has a breathless drumbeat with nice ‘n’ quick guitars and barely noticeable bass. The lyrics once again make this track super-cool - it’s all about having cash and spending it – easy to relate to! “Heavy morals/Seem so light/But when it comes to cash/I’m gonna die all right” goes the chorus, and it all builds to a climax more satisfying than sitting on the washing machine for the full rinse cycle.

**Track Five – Untutored Youth**
The token “so-fast-I-can’t-understand-the-words” track that all good rock ‘n’ roll records need (see also “Garden of Eden” by Guns ‘n’ Roses and “Caffeine Bomb” by The Wildhearts). A breakneck speed drum & guitar backing for the indecipherable words (good thing they’re in the inlay), with a couple of breaks for Pelle to do a little spoken word, my favourite line being – “…and when people tell me what is ok and what is not, it should not be an unexpected scene seeing I extend my middle right hand digit and say – would you like lemon or lime with that piece of advice misterrrrrrr?” Now THAT is rock ‘n’ roll, not “it’s all about the he said she said bullsh*t, I think you’d better quit talking that sh*t or you’ll be leaving with a fat lip” © Dred Furst of Bimp Lizkit.

**Track Six – Outsmarted**
Getting straight down to business with another quickie that makes you wanna check the inlay because you get the words wrong. I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of keyboard in the background helping the chorus along, but can’t be sure. This has a bit of a Ramones feel to it, only faster and no “1,2,3,4” in there. It’s loud and it’s quick, like a Channel 5 softcore porn movie orgasm.

**Track Seven – Mad Man**
From the opening bass rumble and ride cymbal twinkle, I thought I was in for a slow number – wrong! The drums thunder in and the track begins, with a very similar feel to the preceding number. It feels like Pelle isn’t really trying with the singing as much here, perhaps because this is a b-side. Who knows? Not me. Just watch out for the Jimmy Saville impression and you’ll be just fine.

**Track Eight – Here We Go Again**
Excellent guitar riffery kicks this track in, reminds Ben a little of that track – can’t think of the title but it goes “girl – I want – to be with you – all of the time – all day – and all of the night”. My brains are seriously on the slide. Anyhoo, this is back to the groove-laden sound of the first two tracks, with time for Pelle to breathe between verses! It also features something the Hives seem to like – the STOP of all instruments for an odd background noise to clunk quietly before kicking back in. Cool 60’s keyboards add a fresh layer to this track, which is over all too soon.

**Track Nine – A.K.A. i-d-i-o-t**
Another quickly-quickly punk number, with cool back & forth guitar opening and speedy vocals which are a tad more understandable this time around. The chorus is pure genius, spelling words is the new saying them! Shouty background vocals, tight drumming alongside frenetic guitar work and bass playing. Probably my favourite track on the CD.

**Track Ten – Automatic Schmuck**
Synth-sounding cymbals give in to a rather patchy riff and non-singing from Pelle, more Ian Dury at times than Iggy Pop, with the effort saved for the chorus. Not the weakest sound on the CD, but it seems once more that Pelle has other things on his mind than giving an all-out great performance, and those synth cymbals are crummier than Mr Kipling’s mouth. Goes on a tad too long, but the chant at the end of the track makes me love ‘em again – you can’t beat a good chant.

**Track Eleven – Hail Hail Spit n’ Drool**
A few more traditional guitar licks than usual here, but that Hives sound is still there (basically, loud everything!). A short but sweet number with not many lyrics to speak of. Perfect at its job though, like most of the other tunes! Except…

**Track Twelve – The Hives Are Law, You Are Crime**
Far and away the best track name on the CD, but as for the song – it sounds like it was recorded on “Music” for the Playstation, and is a rather odd finish to the record. A plodding guitar riff with electro-handclaps, with an odd sort of “Deliverance” thing going on between the guitars from speaker to speaker. A pretty cool riff does kick in eventually - but not for long enough. It’s like an odd piece of film music or something, with no lyrics. Feels way too much like filler for my liking.

Hey! Where d’you think you’re going, you little tyke? We’re not through yet!

***THE VIDEOS***

Four of ‘em! All there in MPEG format for your viewing enjoyment. Now, I know – MPEG ain’t exactly Quick Time, but it ain’t exactly WMV either, so hush up whilst I tell you about ‘em, it won’t take long, then you can go back to watching Ground Force or some sh*t.

**Main Offender**
A black & white world of cut-out figures and live action, with the world of The Hives under threat from their doppelgangers “The Negatives”. The band all meet up “Hello!” they say – “No time for chit-chat, let’s split!” As the band convene to kick the a$$ of their enemies in PunkRockCity, the words of the song dash past the screen and through the floors of buildings. Not much in the way of performance, but a hilarious “fight” between the two bands and a very unusual look.

**Die, All Right!**
An electric fire is plugged in. The faux-logs glow. In front of said logs – the Hives, on gold thrones, looking sullen. They look scarily tanned. As soon as the chorus kicks in, the band start performing in a rather posh room, with gold equipment. They bust all kind of cool rock moves, making this my favourite video. You get guitars being slung over shoulders, pointing at the drummer whilst he does a drum break, shouting, mock-Status Quo guitar “shooting”, mugging to camera… culminating in Pelle falling onto his back to perform most of the final chorus. Love it!

**A.K.A. i-d-i-o-t**
Another black & white vid, all performance based with the Hive boys in a small room with a chequered floor. The band strike some more cool moves before Pelle falls into the room, and “snake-charms” his mic stand up to his hands. It looks better than I can describe it! During the video the band are bothered by make-up artists and run up some staircases. What does it all mean? Very little. Watch out for the strobe lighting in this particular featurette. It all ends with the drummer blowing over the mic stand. Why? Who can say!

**Hate To Say To Told You So**
Much as I love this video, the drummer gets on my nerves, mainly because he busts the same moves as I do when I play drums… ah well. The boys play in front of a cream backdrop with the occasional shot of them looking at themselves in a huge mirror and mugging. There’s also disembodied head shots of Pelle and a huge silhouette of Randy Fitzsimmons, a question mark over his head. Every now and then some odd “interference” appears over the screen – again, inexplicable but kinda cool. The band go all motion-blurry, and when the bass guitar break kicks in, they all freeze. This gives Dr Matt a chance to look straight out at you and look mighty proud of his bass solo! If this doesn’t make you move, check your pulse. Have you been on the receiving end of a sawdust-filled taxidermist’s fist recently? And NOT for sexy kicks? Have you in fact become a novelty hat stand? ARE YOU WORM FOOD?

This band could very well save you from turning into a baseball cap headed saggy pants wearing product of the INCREDIBLY STALE sporting goods sponsored bands that insist that their misogynistic lyrics are okay for whatever bullspit reason. Rock’s not dead, it’s just sleeping. This should prove to be a double espresso enema for those amongst you with open ears and open minds. Check it out! It may not be too essential if you own the back catalogue already, but I'm a sad old completist.

© P$ 2002

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Links:

www.hives.nu - official site! And *this* one works!

www.burningheart.com - official site of the Hives’ record label

www.poptones.co.uk - official site of UK distributors for this release.

Catalogue number - mc5055cd

Tracks taken from the following releases, all on Burning Heart records:

Veni Vidi Vicious - album (Catalogue number bhr 107)
a.k.a. I-D-I-O-T - single (Catalogue number bhr 072)
Barely Legal – album (Catalogue number bhr 068)
Hate To Say I Told You So – single (bhr 122)